JackSquat
The Art of Getting NothingThe Art of Getting Nothing
JackSquat redefines digital philanthropy through absurdist economics.It's like burning money, but with better UX and more sarcasm.
"Watching Money Disappear Has Never Been This Entertaining"
Total Dollars Donated to Nothing
"This money could have funded 8,413 minutes of therapy to understand why you're donating to us in the first place."
Reasons to click this button:
- •Your financial advisor needs something to cry about
- •Impress your friends with your terrible decision-making
- •Achieve peak financial irresponsibility with one click
- •Confuse your bank's fraud detection algorithms
- •Give your credit score a fun challenge
Alternative reasons to click:
- •Experience the thrill of buyer's remorse instantly
- •Join the elite club of people with more money than sense
- •Create a funny story for your next therapy session
- •Scientifically proven to be worse than lottery tickets
- •Make your parents question your upbringing
Both buttons do exactly the same thing. We just wanted you to feel like you have options in life.
By donating, you acknowledge that you will receive absolutely nothing in return except the satisfaction of making a terrible financial decision that you'll have to explain to yourself later.
As Featured In Publications That Don't Exist
"The most innovative way to waste money since cryptocurrency." — Imaginary Financial Expert
"JackSquat has revolutionized the art of financial self-sabotage. Five stars." — The Absurdist Times
"Finally, a business model honest enough to admit it's taking your money for nothing." — Tech.Nonsense Quarterly
The Absurd Origin Story
How JackSquat went from a fever dream to a financial nightmare. A tale of inspiration, perspiration, and complete fiscal irresponsibility.
The Epiphany (2023)
JackSquat was conceived in 2023 when our founder, Jack Squat (yes, that's his real name), had an epiphany while staring at his empty bank account after purchasing an NFT of a poorly drawn rock. "What if," he thought, "I could cut out the middleman and just let people give me money directly for nothing?" The idea was so stupid it wrapped around to brilliant, like a financial möbius strip of idiocy.
The Business Plan (Also 2023, Later That Day)
After consuming seventeen espressos and not sleeping for 36 hours, Jack drafted a business plan on the back of an overdue electricity bill. The entire plan consisted of three bullet points: "1. Ask for money. 2. Give nothing in return. 3. Be completely honest about it." When he showed it to his cat, the cat immediately left to find a new owner with better financial sense.
The Rejection (One Week Later)
Jack pitched his idea to 57 venture capital firms. All 57 rejected him, with responses ranging from "Please leave our office immediately" to "We've called security." One particularly blunt investor simply wrote "NO" on a brick and threw it through Jack's car window. Undeterred, Jack interpreted this as "breaking through the window of opportunity."
The Launch (Three Days After Rejection #57)
With $17.42 in his bank account, Jack launched JackSquat from the public library's free WiFi. The initial website was a single page with a PayPal button and the text "Give me $1 and I'll give you nothing." To his shock and the librarian's visible concern, he made $347 in the first day. The librarian later became our CFO, primarily to keep an eye on Jack.
Today
JackSquat now employs a team of 12 people whose job descriptions all read "Professional Nothing Provider." Our headquarters is a converted storage unit with a sign that says "International House of Financial Regret." Jack himself has been banned from all major financial institutions and is no longer legally allowed to own a credit card. We consider this the ultimate testament to our business model's success.
The JackSquat Philosophy
Our business model is based on radical honesty: we promise nothing and deliver exactly that. In a world of companies overpromising and underdelivering, we pride ourselves on perfect consistency between promise and delivery. Some call it a scam, we call it "expectation alignment perfection."
"If you expect nothing, you're never disappointed. We've built an entire business model around this profound philosophical insight." — Jack Squat, Founder & Chief Nothing Officer
Hall of Questionable Financial Decisions
Behold the champions of monetary abandon, ranked by their commitment to funding absolutely nothing. These brave souls have elevated financial regret to an art form.
Enter the amount you're considering wasting on absolutely nothing
Words from the Financially Unwise
Real testimonials from people who should probably have their credit cards confiscated and their financial literacy questioned.
"I've made a lot of questionable financial decisions in my life, but donating to Jack Squat might be my crowning achievement in monetary self-sabotage."
Bewildered Mongoose Whisperer
Elite Money Waster
The Analytics of Absurdity
Witness the data-driven insights into humanity's collective financial whimsy. We've graphed the inexplicable and charted the irrational with scientific precision.
"Fascinating how donations spike during work hours. Nothing says 'productive employee' like financially sabotaging yourself while on company time. The 4pm spike correlates perfectly with the 'I've given up on today' sentiment."
"California leads in donations. Must be all that venture capital money with nowhere better to go. Silicon Valley: Disrupting rational financial behavior since 1999. Texas coming in third proves everything really is bigger there, including financial mistakes."
"Each spike represents a social media mention. Proof that internet fame is worth its weight in wasted dollars. The September surge coincided with a TikTok influencer asking 'Is this the dumbest website ever?' (Yes, and we're proud of it.) The March dip occurred when people temporarily regained their sanity, but thankfully it didn't last."
42,069
Total Donors With Questionable Judgment
8,413
Coffees Not Purchased
3,505
Pizzas Bought With Your Money
∞
Value Provided (Inversely)
73%
Donors Who Were Sober at Time of Donation
87%
Donors Who Regretted Decision Next Morning
23%
Donated While Partner Was Watching
64%
Tried to Explain This Site to Parents
100%
Of These Statistics That Are Made Up
127
Hours Spent Creating Meaningless Stats
17
Excel Spreadsheets Crashed
$4.2M
Theoretical Therapy Costs for Our Team
Tangible Reminders of Intangible Transactions
Unlike our main offering, these products actually exist. The irony is not lost on us, nor should it be on you. We've compromised our artistic integrity for commerce, just like everyone else.
"Unlike our digital offering, these products actually provide something tangible. We've compromised our artistic vision for commerce. How disappointingly conventional. Next we'll be selling NFTs of nothing, which is somehow even more nothing than our current nothing."
The Ultimate Nothing Box
Our flagship product: a premium box containing absolutely nothing. The physical manifestation of our website's philosophy, meticulously crafted to contain the purest form of emptiness. Each box is hand-emptied by our team of professional nothing specialists.
Frequently Asked Questions
Answers that raise more questions, just as we intended. Our FAQ section is like a philosophical rabbit hole with neon lighting and an open bar serving confusion cocktails.
Still have questions?
If you have a question that's not covered here, it's probably too logical for our absurdist enterprise. But feel free to ask anyway. We'll respond with an answer that's either profoundly insightful or complete gibberish. We won't tell you which is which.
Ready to Make a Terrible Financial Decision?Ready to Make a Terrible Financial Decision?
Join the thousands of people who have already donated their hard-earned money to absolutely nothing. It's the most honest transaction on the internet.
Reasons to click this button:
- •Your financial advisor needs something to cry about
- •Impress your friends with your terrible decision-making
- •Achieve peak financial irresponsibility with one click
- •Confuse your bank's fraud detection algorithms
- •Give your credit score a fun challenge
Alternative reasons to click:
- •Experience the thrill of buyer's remorse instantly
- •Join the elite club of people with more money than sense
- •Create a funny story for your next therapy session
- •Scientifically proven to be worse than lottery tickets
- •Make your parents question your upbringing
Both buttons do exactly the same thing. We just wanted you to feel like you have options in life.